First of all let's define what are habits, according to the book Atomic Habits by James Clear “habits are small decisions and actions that you make in your daily life without even thinking about it”. By this definition your habits are things that you do as a routine that you don’t even have to think about, you do them unconsciously. For example, a daily habit is brushing your teeth, taking a daily shower, using the same route to work/school, or biting your nails. Everyone has different habits in their lives that help them cope with daily routines and life’s challenges.
I don’t want to tell you all the mumbo jumbo things that everyone tells you like you have to eat healthy foods, exercise regularly, smoking or drinking alcohol in excess is bad for you, and so on. Everyone knows what is good or bad habits. Knowing them is not the problem, the problem is how I can stop myself from doing the things that don’t help me grow or be a better version of myself.
To really stop any habit you have to be conscious of the reason behind the habit. You have to dig deep and really understand why you do what you do. What I mean is, what is the feeling that you are avoiding that leads you to the habit you are doing?
You have to be conscious of your emotions and really take time to understand why you do the things that you do. What are you avoiding, what causes you pain, and what benefit are you getting out of your habit? No one can do this for you, you cannot let life pass you by and continue living the same way if you want a real change. You have to do things differently to get different results, and the only way you can achieve that is by getting real and digging inside your emotions and past experiences.
You cannot keep disrespecting yourself by doing things that don’t bring real benefit to your life and cannot keep lying to yourself, just because others do not know the real truth. To start building new habits you need to understand your emotions, feel them, go through the pain, to be able to overcome them, and then you can start a new life with new healthy habits.
How can you overcome your pain or know where it comes from? Here is an example of a useful process that I used to understand my actions and unravel my deepest truths.
Journaling, yes I said it, writing it down. There is nothing more personal and FREE than Journaling. Just sitting down and writing your emotions, your past experiences, and going through the pain, anger, and all the emotions you have deep down, helps you be free of pain and is a cathartic process. This is a journey just for you, it's personal and no one has to read it or know how you really feel. With this process, you are expressing your feelings, thoughts and beliefs on a piece of paper and just this action makes them real and present.
This can be a liberating process for you, because it makes you stop your daily routine, stop living your life in automatic mode and truly be present. By writing them, you can acknowledge why you do the things that you do, can find a solution and seriously determine if you want to change or not.
If you decide that you are tired of being a victim of your own circumstances, you are ready to change and start the habits you need to do to be a better version of yourself. If not then continue living the life as you are right now.
If you are reading this, I am guessing that you want to change your life, so congratulations. After you do the first step and know why you act the way that you do and are tired of the life that you have chosen, then you can start a new life. For you to become the best version of yourself, you need to let go of your old self, make daily conscious decisions to deter you from going back to the life that you are costumed, and prevent going to your old habits and unconscious behaviors.
It’s going to be very hard but you need to be present and really be true to yourself and take action to start the life that you want and keep at it, especially when you hit a roadblock.
Now that you understand your behaviors and the reasons behind your old habits, you can be ready for a change. How do you start? by making a conscious decision. Once you made your choice and really want to become a better person, you start by adding one habit at a time.
It takes about 21-30 days to implement a new habit. Doesn’t matter what you want to implement, it usually takes 21 days and most importantly daily maintenance.
Day 1-3, Easy Phase:
The first couple of days (1-3) are the easiest phases of the new change, why?, because you are enthusiastic and motivated, and ready for the change, so you will change your routine to make it happen.
Day 4th to the 7th Difficult Phase:
The reason for this is because, if you started an exercise routine your body aches, and do not have the energy to get out of bed, go for a run or visit the gym, or your work and daily task get in the way and your old habits start to kick in. This is the hardest phase because you have to be in a constant battle with your mind and old habits. Here is where you need to be the strongest, have the willpower, and constantly be reminding yourself of the reason why you want to change.
This is the phase where most people fail, or are inconsistent and the negative self-talk starts. It’s ok to miss one day of your new habit because we are all humans and things happen. What is not OK, is to miss 2 consistent days, because this is intentional, and you start building the habit of quitting. So if you are serious about what you want to achieve, remember this phase, don’t self-sabotage, and don’t succumb to your old ways.
Day 8 to the 14th , Medium Difficulty Phase:
Here you are seeing some results and you start to feel motivated again and is not as difficult as it used to be. You see the benefits, and your energy and stamina improve. You are starting to make it part of your routine.
Day 15th to the 21st, Low Difficulty Phase:
Here your new habit starts becoming part of your life and personality. You start becoming the person you want to be. You see visible results, and your mood changes and you are more positive because you are proud of your achievements.
Day 21st to the 30th, Maintenance Phase:
Congratulations!, you made it this far, you should celebrate. Now the new habit and behavior is part of you, it has become part of your beliefs and you are now a different person. You are not thinking about the new habit, it becomes an unconscious task or daily routine. The benefits outreach the old habits, you have changed your mindset and become a better version of yourself.
Remember even if you were able to change your mindset and habits, you have to be leery of your unconscious mind, because it will always trick you to go back to your old self. Remember the mind and body always want to go on the path of less resistance and those are the habits you had formed throughout the years. Consistency is the key here, if you don’t constantly remind yourself or change your mindset or become the person you want to be, you are going to self-sabotage and go back to what took you so much to achieve.
Be proud of the person you have become and celebrate your victories because in all seriousness, every habit is linked to an emotion that brings us pleasure. It doesn’t matter if it is beneficial, positive, or not, if it brings you pleasure, you will do anything in your power to get that feeling. Remember “small incremental changes can cause massive results” from James Clear, to change your habits do something that brings you pleasure in a positive way, not the other way around.
To know more in detail about how to build healthy habits, I highly recommend 2 books that can help change your mindset and give you the tools to start the life you want. These are Atomic Habits by James Clear and Stop Doing that Sh*t, End Self-Sabotage and Demand Your Life Back by Gary John Bishop.
To learn more about personal development and women empowerment, follow me on Instagram @Journey.ofself or subscribe to my YouTube channel Journeyofself1. In my Podcast Woman Up!, I encourage women to follow their dreams, give you tools to help them achieve them, and interview successful women, that have made it, and how they achieved their own personal goals and get to live the life they dreamed.
Stay tuned for more ways you can ensure that your New Habits stick, become a reality, and a true life changer. In the next Blogs, we will be discussing live hacks to improve your health, self-esteem, and spirituality, get you motivated, inspired, and much more.
Remember you cannot change the World, but you can change yourself for the better. One drop of water can cause a ripple effect, be the change, cause a positive effect, and give rise to the ripple.
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